if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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