just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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