When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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