if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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