worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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