tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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