I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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