Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
