On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
