But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
