The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
