i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
