i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
