tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
