Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
