My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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