I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
