i love accidental penises.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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