some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
