Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
