If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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