She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
