problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
