i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
