the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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