Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
