Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
