Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
