just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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