Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
