So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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