What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
