I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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