boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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