He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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