I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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