Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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