looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I touched a dick in church today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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