Hey man sorry I got all grabby
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
