I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
