I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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