He kissed a someone with a penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
