we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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