At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
