Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
