how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
