If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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