she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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