apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
