His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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