i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
