There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
