Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
