I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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