Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
