I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize