in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
