So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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