At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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