i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
