The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
