I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
