I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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